Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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