he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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