I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
smell my finger.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
