I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
