i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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