While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
