I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize