I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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