the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
