so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
