Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
