My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
