last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
