I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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