I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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