sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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