hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
