Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
