I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Randomize