eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
