Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she looked like the before picture.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize