She said her name was "party"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
