these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
