That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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