Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
