I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
