He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
