Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
