It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I could fuck to npr.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
