wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
