I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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