Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
