Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
