Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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