Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
