Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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