i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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