got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
please don't ironically join a cult
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