he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just pee around me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
