i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
