I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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