My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
