You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
