i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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