Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Rumble strips road head = magical
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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