i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
