I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize