ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
