If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize