maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
