Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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