FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
