Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
