I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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