Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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