I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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