i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
