i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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