Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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