and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
