Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
