Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
