It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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