nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
