Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize