y did u give ur computer a hand job?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
