If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my liver is dry heaving
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
