and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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