Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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